Mornings comes, should i go for a run? gym? will i have time to walk the pooch? hes most important so my exercise will have to wait. how longs my lunch? time to go to the gym then? no? what time do i finish, can i go for a quick run before dinner?
Everyday questions, day in day out. i aim to go to the gym 2-3 times a week, yoga once and maybe 2 runs. my job is to walk Sam in the mornings which is normally 30-40 mins and i sometimes take him out in the evenings too if my husband is training. the frustration i feel when i don’t think i can it all in is probably unhealthy, but i try. My exercise, to start with was mainly vanity. im not afraid to say i was very unhappy with the way i looked and felt about myself. i started off with a few dancey exercises a week and walking when i could. i worked 2 jobs and was also at college studying Beauty Therapy. i didn’t really notice any weight loss for a few years doing this. as soon as i lost a bit of weight, i would put it straight back on again. never one to diet, i tried to eat healthy, but it never worked. i just loved my chocolate, cakes and sweeties! i honestly thought i couldn’t go a day with out some sugary goods. my lifestyle didnt help- being a waitress i often missed meals and snacked on bread and chips during shifts and of course having the odd sugary pick me up. i also smoked and enjoyed going out at the weekends to. my typical weekend would be a night out with my girlys Saturday followed by a pizza and cinema trip on Sundays. this was almost routine.
My life had to change. im not quite sure why it did, or how i really started, but i did. something clicked. i realised i could go around eating all the chocolate goodies i wanted. i once genuinely believe i would possibly need to go to rehab to get over my chocolate addiction, but it just came with time and growing up. for a long time i swapped my chocolate bars for ‘healthy alternatives’ ie go ahead bars, special k snacks, blah blah blah. i ended up having say 3 alternative to a chocolate bar. here’s where i went wrong. they weren’t any better for me. still packed with sugar and horrible chemicals, i had to give these up too. moderation is key.
Along with my new love for spinning, and learning to moderate my ‘goodies’ i was slightly seeing results. its taken a few years, but i have now lost 3 stone. no diets, just old fashion exercise and healthy eating. no gimmicks. my passion for exercise has never really existed.. until now.
i finally plucked up the courage to go to the gym. i wont lie, it was horrendous. At my first appointment they showed me some of the machine and what to do, they left me for a few minutes on each and then come back to ask how you’re getting on (felt like i was dying, but couldn’t tell them that!) then to be measured and weighed. my worst nightmare. facing up to my weight, and for a fitness instructor to see and judge me. but i was there for a reason and i could only hope they understood that, i was there to look after myself and lose weight. this may have been my turning point. i wasnt overly overweight but always in the ‘overweight’ BMI scale. i was still ashamed and still struggle to face photos of me from back then. this has always given me motivation though. every now and then i get out these old reading and take new ones to see how far i come.
it has only been in the last 3 years that i have really stuck to a routine with fitness. my eating habits have changed for the better, my taste has completely changed too. i still love chocolate but more in a dark form of over 70%. i wouldn’t dream of eating how i used to. i also love my deserts but i don’t indulge on them every evening.
Gym and running, to start with it may have been an unhealthy obsession, but i honestly felt it needed to be for me. i have now found a sort of healthy routine. ive added a yoga class in to, to help with my anxiety and just to ground me. i work full-time and have a busy social and active life to. no time for sitting around twiddling my thumbs. i do feel it would good to be able to relax and do nothing, but i cant. im not that sort of person.
i suppose my love for exercise really started when i realised during my workouts i wasnt really worried any more. i enjoyed pushing myself and working hard. seeing results and realising i wasn’t working out to lose weight, i was working out to be strong and fit. to not be embarrassed with a short run after the dog ect.
so every morning, i asked myself when will i fit in my exercise in. will it be better than my last session? can i lift more wight or run slightly faster or for longer? still, the idea of it some morning feels me with dread, but once ive achieved a new goal the satisfaction is so worth it. it helps ive now maintained my weight for a year or so and im actually mostly happy with it.
it’s all a working progress, its all about the journey. it will have its ups and downs, good eating days and bad eating days. i try to do the best i can do and try harder not to be to hard on myself when i cant be.
today i managed a 5mile run with Sam, in the fog! i would never of thought i would go running in bad weather! and after a rest day, it felt great! so i encourage everyone to try. even if its only going for a walk, fresh air is amazing! we all run/work out for our own reasons and for our own goals, as long as we enjoy it and apreciate ourselves for what we can do and achive were surly on to a winner!